Shelved Hearts

"My voice is steady; it always will be for him. I would build a road under his feet if it meant he'd take one more step toward the things he wants." "I'd share my last oreo with you. -N" "I'd share my last oreo with you too. -G" "I want to believe someone can look at me, see past the scar, the sadness, and think something about me is lovely." "I take in Noah's light and let it fill me. The cracks in all my broken pieces can't contain it, and it spreads into my whole body, making me feel a sliver of pure joy." "I didn't see you properly before, but now I do. I see you, Noah. You can be whatever you need with me, you don't have to hide." "Gabe and I...we're written in ink. It's permanent. He's part of me." "There's no form of my future I can picture that doesn't include him, no version of myself that isn't tied to his heartbeat. This isn't a choice, although I'd always choose him, it's a bond. Permanent. Unbreakable." "You're my home, you know that?" "Yeah, Blue. You're mine, too." "I can't fix it for him. I can't fight what I don't understand. But I can be here. I can show up. I can love him in the ways he lets me." "I would take a thousand of your hardest days over a single one without you." "And maybe that's what healing really is. Not escape. Not forgetting. Just learning how to breathe with the person you love, over and over again." "You make it sound so simple." "It's not simple. But it's worth it. We are worth it." "All I can see is Noah. All I can taste…

I really enjoyed this book. Gabe has every part of my heart. I feel so deeply for all of the things he has been through, and all of the trauma and all of the (false) core beliefs he has developed because of it. He felt so real. His fears of everyone leaving him if they find out how bad he's really doing, because he's "too broken" and "too much to put up with" are so relatable. I loved going on this healing journey with him. I loved how he still had setbacks even when he was on an upward swing. I loved getting to experience breakthroughs and little (and big) wins with him. I loved that it never felt like Noah was the one fixing him. It was always Gabe fixing himself while Noah provided a safe space he could rely on. Definitely do read the trigger warnings if you need to because he does go through a lot of hard things. Noah is just so good. He's exactly what someone traumatized like this needs. Someone who is patient, and knows not to take things personally when Gabe lets some of his fears show. (Even when it hurts his feelings, he knows it's not actually about him and is able to work through it, and continue to be there in a way Gabe needs.) The way he just wants to be there in any capacity Gabe needs him to be and whatever that looks like is everything. And the way he's observant about anything that makes Gabe tense up or seem to panic in anyway and works hard to avoid those things is perfect. I also appreciated the way they talked about the possibility of him needing…